Down with Smug PretzelChick
by empresskrista
Summary: Preseries. My take on the broken leg incident mentioned in 1.06 Rory's Birthday Parties. While in yoga class, Lorelai takes a fall that she blames Luke for. Luke, being Luke, comes to her aid.
1. Falling Over Ballerine Barbie

Bringing this over from Enjoy! Oh, and no copyright infringement intended, blah, blah, blah.

**LATE SPRING/EARLY SUMMER 1997**

**Chapter One: Falling Over Ballerina Barbie**

"All right ladies, and Kirk," Miss Patty, leaning against the open sliding doors, began as she delicately exhaled a thin stream of cigarette smoke, "We are now going to do the Sirsha-asana or the head-stand position. Those of you how are not as advanced may need a partner to do this."

_Great, I can barely walk a straight line caffeinated_, Lorelai considered, rolling her tired blue eyes. _Now without any caffeine in my system, I'm expected to stand on my head. This should be good. And damn that Luke_, Lorelai thought to herself as she gazed out past Miss Patty and towards the now bustling diner. _He could open five minutes early to give me coffee. Damn Miss Patty for holding yoga class only early Saturday mornings. Damn Luke for making me damn Miss Patty. _With pursed lips, Lorelai continued to glower in Luke's general direction. _What I wouldn't give to have my "Carrie" telepathy skills kick in right now. _

Lorelai saw Kirk, tight yoga pants and all, heading towards her. Not wanting to be Kirk's partner, she quickly whispered loudly to the skinny, ballerina-type blonde in front of her, "Hey, psst." Barbie Ballerina turned her head ever so slightly. "You look like you know what you're doing. Can you help a poor, unfortunate soul like myself?" Barbie Ballerina nodded her bunned-blonde head and moved towards Lorelai. Partly due to her caffeine withdrawal, Lorelai wanted nothing more than: 1) to get some of Luke's coffee and 2) twist the smug blonde's tight bun until she actually spoke.

"Lorelai," Kirk began, adjusting his red elastic headband, "Would you be my partner?"

"Sorry Kirk, I'm already taken."

"Rats," Kirk exclaimed, snapping his fingers, heading off to pair up with Mrs. Cassini on the other side of the studio.

"Ladies, and Kirk, you will begin by sitting in a kneeling position." Miss Patty continued to instruct the class and eventually, with help of the stuck-up Barbie Ballerina, Lorelai was looking at the world upside-down, legs in the air.

Barbie Ballerina easily got herself into position.

"Hey, this is almost as great as a coffee-high," Lorelai exclaimed to herself.

Smug Barbie replied, "Coffee is liquid poison."

Though spoken from the thin lips of Barbie, Lorelai only heard Luke's voice, as comparing coffee to poison would be something Luke ranted to her.

Her concentration lost on negative thoughts of Luke, Lorelai's extended legs wavered in the air and she tumbled over, knocking out Smug Pretzel Chick in front of her. The joy of bringing down Pretzel Barbie only lasted a split second, as a sharp pain traveled through her right leg.

"Dammit Luke!" cried Lorelai through clenched teeth, closing her eyes in an attempt to dream away the pain. She moaned and groaned as the class gathered around her.

"Kirk," Miss Patty yelled, "You're a volunteer paramedic; help Lorelai!"

With a determined nod, Kirk said, "Right," and ran out of the studio towards Luke's Diner and a phone.

MORE TO COME...


	2. Coffee Kamikaze

**Chapter Two: Coffee Kamikaze**

THE PREVIOUS EVENING: FRIDAY NIGHT

Lorelai entered the diner with a look of determination and mischief set on her face, a devious twinkle in her blue eyes.

_She wants something_, Luke thought, recognizing that familiar expression: the one usually only reserved for him. Luke felt almost special knowing that there was a look reserved especially for him, even though the look seemed laced with the everlasting promise of a platonic relationship. _Better get her liquid tar ready. Whatever she wants, coffee should distract her for a few minutes._

"Hey Luke," Rory greeted for both herself and her mother as they sat down at "their" table. She, too, knew the expression Lorelai wore. On this particular night, though, Rory had no energy to decode it.

Luke nodded in the girls' direction as he prepared with two cups of coffee. Lorelai smiled sweetly at Luke placed the coffee before her; the expression clung tightly to her flawless face.

Pulling the notepad out from the front of his jeans, he asked, "What'll it be tonight?"

"Cheeseburger with chili cheese fries," Rory replied. Luke jotted the order down and looked to Lorelai for her order. She was still staring intently at him.

"The same," Lorelai smiled.

"Two plates of suicide coming up," Luke mentioned as he headed back to the kitchen to prepare their food.

Once Luke was out of earshot, Lorelai's smile came off and a look of desperation passed over her delicate features. "I should have ordered a salad to soften him up."

Rory shook her head. "Yeah, because you ordering a salad wouldn't be suspicious."

"I am offended."

"You're offended? You're the one trying to get something from Luke."

Lorelai giggled, "Dirty."

Rory ignored her mother's immature comment. "Whatever it is you want, just ask him already. He probably already knows you want something. You have that look on your face."

"What look?"

Rory was getting tired of running in lopsided circles with her mom. "The look you get when you want Luke to do something. It's a very common look."

Luke came out of the kitchen and was back behind the counter, though neither of the Gilmore girls took any notice. Their conversation was just loud enough for Luke to hear in the near-empty diner.

Luke noticed that Lorelai was slightly pouting. She retorted to daughter, "I do not have a look."

Rory again shook her head and took a sip of her coffee. "And I doubt pouting will get you anywhere."

"Again I am offended!" Lorelai exclaimed. "My pout is famous. It has gotten me out of speeding tickets, PTA functions, and it has worked very well with Luke in the past. How else do you think my coffee gets refilled?"

Still unnoticed by the girls, Luke raised his eyebrows at the last part of Lorelai's comment. _We'll see if that pout works tonight_, Luke thought, though he knew how easily he gave into anything Lorelai wanted him to do. _Hell, I'd probably take up ballet if she asked me to._ He grimaced at the thought of himself in fruity tights. _Not tonight. Whatever she wants, not tonight._ Luke felt he needed to prove it to himself that he could be strong again Lorelai. It's not like they were more than friends or anything; he wasn't obligated to be at Lorelai's beck and call.

Cesar rang the bell at the kitchen window. "Order's up, Boss."

Luke grabbed the plates and headed to Lorelai's table. Seeing her food approaching, Lorelai's _I-need-something-from-Luke-even-though-it-sounds-very-dirty_ expression returned with even more determination. Luke caught the instant change. After he sat the burgers down, he asked, "Do you want anything else?"

"Well, since you asked…"

_Here it comes,_ he thought. _The reason behind the expression._

"…I have a yoga class that starts at the butt-crack of dawn tomorrow morning and I know that you don't open until six, but I would be eternally grateful if you could maybe, please, please, please, switch the coffee pot on a couple minutes earlier so I can come by here on my way to class and get my jolt before class so that I can do a better Jane Fonda circa-1970s impression," Lorelai exhaled in almost one breath, holding the sweet smile the entire time.

"Nope."

Lorelai's face fell. "What do you mean?"

"I mean no."

The determined look came back, followed closely by the pout. "But…"

"If I opened early for you, I would have to open early for everyone. And by everyone, I mean Kirk."

"But…"

"Here's your bill," Luke cut her off again, placing her tab on the table. "Please come again." He turned around and went to the kitchen, kicking Cesar out to work the counter. Even from the kitchen, he could hear Rory laughing.

"So much for the pout," Rory chuckled.

"But…" Lorelai repeated, staring at the kitchen, wondering why in the world Luke had not submitted to her whim.

LATER THAT NIGHT

Considering that Lorelai had to wake up so early the following morning, she and Rory only got through two Jane Fonda-themed movies: Jane Fonda because she is what Lorelai sought to be the next morning.

Lorelai was lying in her bed, playing with her fingers, willing sleep to come. She glanced at the clock so often that time seemed to stand still. _I swear the minutes are moving backwards._ It was hard for sleep come when all Lorelai could think about, in addition to time actually moving backwards, was Luke not giving into her whim. _I have been obsessing over this since dinner. Seriously, what harm does opening five minutes earlier do?_ Lorelai picked up her cordless phone and dialed Luke's apartment.

After six rings, he finally picked up and mumbled something incoherent.

"Seriously, what harm does opening five minutes earlier do?" Lorelai inquired, not waiting to interpret the garbled "hello".

"Lorelai, it's just after midnight!"

"Please Luke!"

"No."

"Please!"

"No!"

Lorelai paused before she repeated, "Please!"

"I will see you tomorrow, _after_ your class. Good night!" With that, Luke hung up the phone and headed back to bed, shaking his head the entire way. Lorelai sat on her bed with her mouth open in astonishment that she still could not get Luke to budge. She eventually managed to fall into an uncomfortable sleep.

SATURDAY MORNING

"Mom! Mother!" Rory shook Lorelai almost violently.

Lorelai groaned and managed to open one eye half-way.

"Setting my alarm clock to wake me up to wake you up at 5:30 in the morning on a weekend is not right!" Rory informed her, plopping down on Lorelai's bed. "Get up, Mother."

Lorelai slowly rose and Rory stole the warm spot in bed. "I was just having the oddest dream."

With her eyes closed, Rory replied, "How is that different from any other dream?"

Lorelai reluctantly got out of bed and fished around on the floor for a pair of yoga capris. "I was drowning in a river of coffee like Augustus Gloop was in the chocolate river in _Willy Wonka_ and Luke was dressed in purple velvet like Willy Wonka and refused to throw me a cherry Lifesaver to rescue me. And then Oompa-loompas who looked like Kirk were dancing around and singing to my demise."

Rory snickered. "Luke as Willy Wonka."

"Do you have no concern at all that I was drowning? You are no longer my favorite daughter."

With a yawn, Rory answered, "Let's continue this discussion when the sun is up."

By the time Lorelai left her room and her now sleeping daughter, she had less than ten minutes to get to Miss Patty's. _Why is it that the mornings I need coffee the most I have no time to have it? Damn Luke._


	3. All Aboard Maties

**Chapter Three: All Abord Maties!**

_I wonder how she's managing an early morning without caffeine_, Luke pondered with a hint of a smile as he walked a plate of eggs and toast over to a customer who was sitting at Lorelai's favorite table. _I can't believe she had the nerve to call me at midnight last night to further plead her case… wait, I can believe it._

Just as he was serving the order, the disaster commonly known as Kirk (in Spandex no less) ran through the door, across the diner, and behind the counter. Kirk's right pointer-finger was poised and ready to dial the appropriate emergency number when Luke caught up with him and snatched the phone away.

"What the hell are you doing behind my counter Kirk?" Luke demanded, scowling at an out-of-breath Kirk.

"As… a… volunteer… member… of… the… medical… community…" Kirk began, managing to get out in between breaths before Luke interrupted.

"Again, what the hell?"

"Accident… in yoga…"

Luke still looked a mixture between confused, frustrated, and irritated.

"Lorelai… fell…"

"What do you mean she fell? She always falls; she the Queen of Klutzes." Luke could only imagine what new bruise she was going to show off to him tomorrow, as if it were some noble war wound. Then he would end up admonishing her for not being more careful, and she would admonish him for not loosening up more. And at the end and their repartee, he would end up putting extra whipped cream on her chocolate-chip pancakes.

"I think… she… broke… her leg."

Luke was out the door and running over to Miss Patty's studio as soon as he heard the word "broke". _Lorelai and pain, not a good combo_, Luke thought to himself. He had heard the story of Rory's birth and resulting ice-chip war against the nurses. He began to wonder if, at this very moment, Lorelai's pain-induced vocabulary was one that would mimic sailors'. His question was answered before he was even on the street, as he heard Lorelai's voice loud and clear. i _Thank God it's a Saturday and school children are sleeping in!_ Luke smirked as Lorelai's colorful cursing was vocally catapulted from the small wooden studio.

The smirk was wiped off of Luke's scruffy face as soon as he heard, "Dammit Luke! Dammit, dammit, dammit! Dammit Luke!"

The class had formed a semi-circle around Lorelai, but parted as Luke entered the building. In between damning Luke, Lorelai caught sight of said person.

"This is so your fault, Lucas!"

"How is you on the floor screaming profanities, at the crack of dawn no less, my fault?"

Lorelai momentarily forgot all about her pain as she lay on the ground yelling at Luke. "Dammit Luke! All you had to do was open up a couple minutes early and give me coffee and none of this would have happened!"

Luke reminded her just as he had at eleven last night when she called and again at five-forty-five that morning when she literally threw herself at the diner's glass door, "I don't open until six!"

Lorelai retorted, "What I wouldn't give for a bucket of pig's blood right now!"

"Huh?" Luke was confused, not an uncommon state to be in when around Lorelai.

Kirk, again breathless, ran into the studio and collapsed on the floor next to Lorelai, jarring her leg. Lorelai's face twisted in pain.

"Dammit Luke!"

"What the hell! Kirk was the one who landed on your leg." Luke was physically flabbergasted. He looked at the sweating Kirk laying next to Lorelai. "When is the ambulance getting here?"

"Joe… said… just… a minute."

As if on cue, Joe drove up in the makeshift ambulance, used most days as the pizza delivery van. Joe hopped out and unloaded the gurney.

"Kirk, you gonna help me?" Joe questioned his co-volunteer.

"Lemme… just… catch… my… breath…" heaved Kirk.

Joe shrugged his shoulders and prepared Lorelai and her broken leg for the gurney. "Kirk, I need some help lifting her."

Lorelai's jaw dropped. "It's not like I'm the size of Oprah in the early years."

Luke jumped in and lifted Lorelai onto the gurney, an action that was followed by a, "Dammit Luke."

Luke looked at Joe and asked dryly. "Do you have any medical tape for her mouth?"

Lorelai's jaw dropped even lower and she was speechless for a moment. "Well, if you're not going to take the blame for my fall from grace just yet, the least you can do is get me some grapes and feed them to me so, amidst this deathly pain in my soon-to-be-amputated leg, I can at least pretend to be the Queen of Sheba while I'm being carted around by Joe."

"You're definetly the queen of something," Luke mumbled. Lorelai shot him a sharp glare.

Joe rolled Lorelai into the ambulance. Once inside she yelled, "You just wait until I get back, Buster!" Just before the doors shut, Lorelai gave Luke a saccharine smile and asked, "Could you at least quickly sprint back over the diner and get me some coffee to tide me over on the way to the hospital."

Luke shook his head in disbelief and awe as the ambulance drove away.

Lorelai commented to Joe, the lone volunteer since Kirk was still huffing and puffing at Miss Patty's, "I love how the ambulance is pizza-scented. It's like a scratch-and-sniff car."

Meanwhile, Luke headed back to his diner and informed Cesar that he was going to be out for a couple minutes before the breakfast rush hit. Luke then hopped in his truck and drove to Lorelai's house. Rory would, after all, need and want to know where her mother was headed. In the three minutes it took to drive to Lorelai's beloved Crap Shack, his anger and frustration with Lorelai grew. _I can't believe she blames me! It's not like I pushed her down… though there are days I want to._ At the last thought he shook his head as Lorelai's voice echoed, _Dirty!_. _I'm possessed._

Luke banged his fist on the front door loudly, knowing Rory would be asleep. To his surprise she opened it only after three knocks.

"Luke?"

"You're mom went to the hospital."

"What? Why?" Rory's eyes widened and almost began tearing. Luke answered quickly, not wanting to be witness to her blue eyes watering.

"She fell or tripped or something doing whatever it was she was doing this morning. She probably broke her leg." Luke waited a moment for Rory's eyes to fully dry before he continued, "Let's go."

Rory shut the door behind her and followed Luke to his truck, still dressed in her pajamas. She was not worried about what she looked like as long as she got to her mom. Rory was uncharacteristically quiet as she sat next to Luke, twisting the hem of her pajama top.

"She's gonna be fine," Luke said, breaking the anxiety-filled silence.

"I know."

"Don't worry."

Rory tore her focus away from the landscape passing by. "I know." She smiled. "Have you ever seen Mom tipsy?"

"Well, your mom does like that Founder's Day punch," he replied, wondering where this conversation was going.

Rory laughed. "I can only imagine what she's gonna be like on painkillers."

"Hopefully not so angry," Luke said, almost to himself.

"Why would she be…" Rory trailed off before realizing, "You didn't give her coffee this morning, did you?"

Luke remained quiet.

Rory laughed again. "You are in so much trouble."

The truck returned to silence, minus the heavy humming of the truck's engine.

Once parked at the hospital, Rory jumped out of the truck and Luke followed. The two eventually found Lorelai in a small room, waiting for her cast to be put on.

"Mom!"

"Angel!" Rory ran into her mom's open arms. "How'd you…?" Lorelai spotted Luke and glared.

"Mom, you can put the ice princess glare away. Since Luke drove me here, can you just have a truce for the time-being?"

Lorelai slightly nodded.

"At least until you get home?"

"Fine! I'll be pleasant, but only because you are my favorite daughter."

"What happened to this morning when you dethroned me?"

"My anger towards you has been redirected to Luke."

Luke ended up driving Rory, Lorelai, and her leg (named "Hop-Along") home a couple hours later. He had waited for Lorelai's leg to be cast in the waiting room, head down as to avoid visuals of sickly, possibly opened-orifice people. On the drive, Lorelai was happily intoxicated with Vicadin and happily singing songs associated with pirates, since she now declared herself a peg-legged pirate who needed a parrot on her shoulder. A non-monosyllabic parrot that she would name Luke.

"Luke," Lorelai sang, "Hop-Along wants to know if you'll forgive me for being such a Schnickelfritz earlier."

Rory, sitting in between Luke and her mother, whispered to him, "I told you she'd be pleasant with painkillers."

Luke replied to Lorelai, "I am not answering a cast."

"But I'm going to name my parrot after you! And teach him how to say, 'Oh jeez'!"

_I'll take whatever apology I can get, even if it is Vicadin-induced._ Luke's slight rage at her melted and he waited a few seconds before answering Lorelai. "Yes, I'll forgive you."

"Yea!" Lorelai clapped her hands and continued with her random pirate songs.

Luke ended up having to carry a painkiller-drunken Lorelai into her house. And though he vehemently denied it in his mind, he loved being able to hold her so close.

"Hey Luke," Lorelai sang with a smile as they entered the door, "You're carrying me over the threshold. It's just like we're married."

"Aw jeez!" But Luke thought, _If only._

Rory snickered as she closed the door behind them.

"Hey Luke! Let's get married!"

"Lorelai," he warned, laying her down on the sofa.

"Where are you going to take me on our honeymoon? Hey, let's go on a pirate ship. Of course we'll have to take Hop-Along with us, and Luke the Parrot, and probably Rory. But the more the merrier, right?" Lorelai babbled in her inebriated state, no longer noticing if anyone was listening to her.

Luke tiredly looked at a highly entertained Rory. "She's all yours. Call if you need anything. Like a muzzle." He headed back to the diner as Rory sat on the coffee table across from her mom, ready to take advantage of the state she was in.

"So Mom, you're going to marry Luke?"

Lorelai smiled dreamily. "Aye aye, First Mate."

"So does that mean you have a crush on Luke?" Rory prodded, wanting her (and the town's) suspicious to be answered.

"No." Rory's momentary disappointment was replaced when Lorelai corrected, "I love Luke."

"You gonna wear a plaid wedding dress?"

"Aye aye," Lorelai said, drifting off to sleep. Rory stood up and covered her mom with an afgan, wishing she had recorded her mom's admission to hold against her when she was coherent and openly denying any feels for Luke, good or bad.

**MONDAY MORNING**

"Hey Luke!" Rory greeted as she opened the door on her way to school.

"How is she today?"

"Well, she no longer wants to set sail, but she is still in pain and couch-ridden." Luke handed Rory one of two of the coffee cups he had in his hand. His other hand held a bag filled with breakfast for Lorelai. "Thanks _Dad_!" Rory said as she chuckled down the driveway. "Have fun with the Captain!"

Luke entered the house and headed towards the couch, where Lorelai was struggling to reach for the television remote and her pout was apparent. Luke grabbed the remote and handed it and the other coffee cup to Lorelai.

"A peace offering?" she asked.

Luke shrugged and gave her the bag.

"Definitely a peace offering," Lorelai answered herself as she opened the Styrofoam container.

"You need anything else?" Luke asked.

Lorelai smiled up at him, her face without any makeup and her curly hair loosely pulled into a ponytail. She shook her head.

"You sure?"

"Luke, you really don't need to be here," Lorelai informed the flannelled man standing with his arms on his hips at the foot of the couch.

"Well, considering that I am apparently to blame for your downfall," he began, "I am here to be of assistance to you."

Lorelai giggled. "Dirty."

Luke rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, though, you don't need to be here. I was just taking my anger and frustration out on you. Besides _someone_ not providing me with my morning dose of coffee, I was still upset from the night before with talking to Emily and it's time for Aunt Flow to visit."

Confused, Luke ignorantly asked, "Who?"

"Aunt Flow, The Crimson Wave, That Time of the Moon."

"Huh?"

"My period, my menses, my..."

Luke waved his hands, shaking his head. "Aw, jeez."

Lorelai laughed at his embarrassment. "Back to your offer, I really don't need you here."

With the last word spoken, Lorelai thought she saw a flicker of disappointment in Luke's deep blue eyes, like he was a rejected puppy.

"Fine, fine," Lorelai said. "Sit, sit. Eat, drink, and be merry."

"I thought you were done being a pirate," Luke remarked as he sat down to Lorelai's left, far away from Hop-Along.

Lorelai looked confused. "When was I a pirate?"

"Never-mind," Luke grumbled. Lorelai went back to her bacon and eggs and chocolate chip pancakes with extra whipped cream.

After a few moments, she asked, "So, you're here at my beck and call?"

Luke nodded.

A well-known mischievous glint flashed through Lorelai's eye and smile. Luke knew he was going to regret his offer… well, probably not the offer, but this one task or request Lorelai was about to make.

"I need tampons."

"Aw, jeez," Luke replied quickly, then paused. "What about Rory?"

"You'd be willing to get tampons for Rory, too? That is so sweet. She and I use different types, you know."

"Lorelai," he said in a warning tone. "Can't Rory get them for you?"

Doe-eyed Lorelai replied, "Yes, but she's at school now and I need them before that."

The bill of Luke's hat was in his hands, being bent out of frustration. _So regretting the offer. Dammit Lorelai!_ "Dammit Lorelai," he whined.

Still doe-eyed she said, "Well, you did ask if I needed anything."

He was really regretting having Cesar come in early so he could be with Lorelai. "Fine. Fine!"

And this was how Luke found himself standing completely perplexed at Doose's Market in the aisle containing products for feminine needs.


	4. Nurse Luke

You lucky people! Two chapters in one day. Thank you so much for all of the reviews. Very encouraging. More will come in between me hanging out with my toddler and playing a modern-day Donna Reed. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Four: Nurse Luke**

"Here's your… your," stuttered Luke, his face changing shades before Lorelai's dancing eyes. She decided to take him out of his misery.

"Why thank you, Luke." She smiled sweetly at him and made him momentarily forget why in the world he was so frustrated. _Anything for Lorelai. Why was I so frustrated with her? Oh yeah, those woman-things._ He shook his head free of the memories of having a more than eager Babette come to his rescue at Doose's. There was too much to choose from and the sight of so many little boxes was making him dizzy. It was either run out of Doose's empty and face another bout of Lorelai's rage or having Babette help him out and share a good laugh later with Miss Patty. _Later, as in as soon as I leave. And Miss Patty as in the whole freakin' town!_

Luke nodded and gave Lorelai the bag of "chick stuff". "I won't be surprised if I wake up in the night dreaming of pads with wings flying around!"

Lorelai laughed, "You said 'pads'! Say 'tampons' and I'll have my laughter fulfillment for the rest of the day and my 'how-many-times-can-I-get-your-face-crimson' quota filled!"

He ignored her and crossed his burly arms in front of his chest, staring down at Lorelai, in a pair of pajamas with _that stupid mouthless cat with the stupid bow_ . "You need anything else?"

"Yes Lurch, I need you to help me take a bath."

Luke's arms flew out of their crossed position as he visualized all the options within her request. "What?!"

_So much red face, so much fun._ "Since I am unable to walk up the stairs myself since someone caused me to have this accident, I need assistance up said stairs," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Can't you wait for Rory to get home?"

"Have you seen my daughter? Twiggy's got nothing on her."

"Can't you take a sponge bath or something?"

_He so set himself up…_ In a seductive tone, "You wanna get me a sponge?"

"Aw jeez! Lorelai!"

"Such a whiner! Why are you such a baby? I am the one who should have a handicap plaque hanging in my car, not you. I just need you to help me up the stairs. How hard is that?"

Luke was tired of this conversation, so he gave in. _Of course I am giving in. Being around Lorelai is like being in a marathon race._ Without a word, Luke lifted Lorelai off the sofa and begun to carry her up the stairs.

"So strong! My knight in shimmering armour!" rang Lorelai. Luke raised his eyebrows and looked at her face, no more than eight inches away from his.

"You want me to drop you on your ass?"

"Once my leg is healed, we'll talk about that," smiled Lorelai, delighted to get so many rises out of Luke within a ten-minute span. _It's like a month of bantering in the diner all rolled into one nice package. Package. Dirty._

Luke purposely stumbled on the final step, making Lorelai gasp and cling onto his neck tighter. "I warned you. Now where?"

"Well, Hop-Along and I can finagle our way up here if you can run down and get my crutches. They're the fluffy, glittered things by the couch. And then if you want, you could just wait downstairs for us in case we need you. And if you so decide to make me some coffee and snacks, please feel free to do so!"

Luke fetched Lorelai's _stupid looking_ crutches and then waited for her downstairs in front of ESPN. Only five minutes later did he hear, "Oh Lucas!"

"What?" he yelled up the stairs from his seat on the couch.

"I need your help!"

"With what?"

"Come here!"

"Why? If you want your coffee, it'll be ready in a couple minutes."

"Just come here before my voice gives out and I have to learn sign-language!"

As Luke trudged up the stairs he yelled to her, "If only your voice would give out then I'd have some peace and quiet. Now where are you?"

"In the bathroom," came Lorelai's voice, echoing slightly from the tiles.

Since the door was widely ajar, he went right on in… to find Lorelai in nothing but her T-shirt, a pair of pink and purple striped boy-cut briefs, and of course her decorated cast. He instantly covered his eyes with an, "Aw jeez."

Lorelai thought nothing of Luke seeing her in her briefs. "Luke, it's not like you haven't seen me at the lake in much less, might I add. Now uncover your eyes and help me with my dilemma." Luke obeyed.

"Would your dilemma be a lack of modesty?"

"Seriously, Luke, how am I supposed to take a shower or bath without getting this thing wet? And, no, a sponge bath is not an option." Lorelai took a moment and mused, "Unless it was with a bowl of coffee…"

"I'll be right back," Luke told her. He ran downstairs with thoughts of his nemesis Lorelai in her current state of dress, or undress as it was. He returned to the bathroom with duct tape and a trash bag.

Lorelai looked confused at the white trash bag. "You gonna kill me and stuff me in that?"

"No, not today. If I killed you how would I make my income?"

Lorelai then noticed the duct tape. "Duct tape? Kinky. Where did you find that?"

Ignoring her "kinky" comment, he said, "I stashed it under your sink the last time I was here fixing your pipes." Luke proceeded to hunch over Lorelai's leg and wrapped her cast with the trash bag and secured it with the gray tape.

"Hop-Along can't breathe," Lorelai told him.

"You want me to tape your mouth with this or do you want me to solve your 'dilemma'?" Luke finished wrapping her cast and looked up at her laughing blue eyes. "Now you can take your bath. I'll be downstairs. Call when you need helped down."

Lorelai took over an hour in the bathroom before she yelled for Luke to help her downstairs. "I should break my leg more often. I like being carried around."

He gently placed her on the couch and went to the kitchen to get her the requested coffee, as well as some snacks (that he, of course, disapproved of). He then said, "I gotta get back to the diner for the lunch rush. If you need anything before Rory gets home, give me a call."

"Like if I lose the remote and need you to come over and change the channel?"

"No. Call if you need anything important, like…"

Lorelai interrupted, "Like if I need my toenails painted?"

"Lorelai!" he growled. She waved him off.

"Go, go. I'll only call if the house is burning down around me."

"Good, I'll see you later." Luke had the natural urge to bend down and kiss her goodbye. Instead he hesitated before he left. "Bye."

_I love having a man around the house!_ , Lorelai thought. _I _really _should have my leg broken more often._ She smiled to herself, changed the channel from ESPN to a cheesy talk-show, and waited for Rory to return home.


	5. Stair Masters and Slaves

**Chapter Five: Stair Masters and Slaves**

_I wonder if I could get Luke to make that… In my kitchen, that way my house would smell all homey and full of baked goodness _and_ I would get a nice view, hehehe._

Lorelai's wavering attention was drawn away from the Two Fat Ladies making a delicious lemon squares on the Food Network and the list in her lap of things prepared on television that she wanted to try herself (or at least have Luke make so she could try it) when she heard the heavy clomping of feet coming up the porch.

"Hey babe!" called Lorelai.

"Hey Mom, Lane's here. How's my little convalescent?"

"Your little convalescent is convalescing. Hey Lane! You haven't met Hop-Along yet," Lorelai realized. "Lane, Hop-Along. Hop-Along, this is Lane." And in a squeaky voice, Lorelai improved for her cast, "Nice to meet you Lane!"

Lane laughed and approached Lorelai's cast and began emptying out her plain backpack of its rebellious contents. "I have collected many different stickers from many different bands. Take your pick and decide which you need branded onto Hop-Along."

Lorelai chose a couple, which Lane placed on the cast. After that, the three made further progress on the rhinestone designs on the plaster.

"I think this is my newest favorite accessory," Lorelai announced as she stared lovingly at her pretty cast. "But, I'm bored. Girls, pull a Gypsy Rose and entertain me!"

b **AN HOUR LATER** /b 

"Sookie!" shouted Lorelai as Rory and Lane pulled her into the kitchen.

"Lorelai!" greeted Sookie, surprised, dropping the knife she was using to dice tomatoes. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, was bored at home. So I had Rory and Lane borrow Babette's wagon for Cinnamon and here I am!" Lorelai was sprawled in the red wagon, her left leg hanging over the edge as her right leg was almost sticking up in the air.

"I can see that, honey. How's the leg? Hey, you want some chocolate cake? I hear chocolate makes the healing process go a lot quicker!"

Michel walked into the kitchen at that moment. "Sookie, have you…" He spotted Lorelai, his concentrated facial expression unchanging. "What are you doing here?"

"I am the manager, Michel."

"No. I mean what are you doing _here_? I thought you had broken your hip or something. Don't you need to convalesce at home?"

Lorelai was aghast. "Do I look like a seventy-five year old woman to you?"

Michel half-smiled smugly. "Well, give or take a year."

Rory snickered to Lane. "He sounds like Luke."

Lorelai briefly turned her glare from Michel to Rory and then back to Michel. "Go back to your duties before I have you hosting that sweet sixteen next month with Tobin!"

Michel stomped his foot and left the kitchen. Lorelai turned her attention back to Sookie, who was now trying desperately not to correct the stirring direction of her assistant on the stove.

"Sookie! I'm bored. I told the girls to get me out a pole, but all they did was traipse me through town like some kind of sideshow freak and now I need you to erase from my memory the laughing and pointing done by those evil Banyon boys," Lorelai pleaded.

"And Kirk?" Sookie inquired.

"Him, too."

Sookie gave Lorelai a cup of coffee while she mulled over a solution to her friend's boredom. "Well, what did you do yesterday to fight the boredom?"

Lorelai shot Rory a dirty look. "Kathy Bates over there pushed the happy pills on Mommy so she could study in silence."

"Mom, you were in pain and nagging me for 'just one more'!"

"That's beside the point," Lorelai told her, waving her hand away at Rory.

Sookie suddenly squealed, "Hey! Do you have any memento of your accident besides Hop-Along here?"

Lorelai scowled. "Yeah, the memory of Luke getting up five minutes early to give me coffee. Damn him."

"Besides that," prodded Sookie. "I know! Come with me girls!"

Rory and Lane pulled Lorelai through the kitchen, following Sookie to the staircase. Out of nowhere, Sookie had produced a camera.

"You have to have your picture taken," Sookie indulged.

Lorelai looked down at her cutoffs and long-sleeved blue T-shirt. "I am so not Kate Moss today!"

"Come on! It'll be fun. You could frame the picture and tell people about the great catastrophe that brought you down!"

_Sookie does have a point. Plus, visuals are so much better when I tell my tales._ "All right. Let's play photo-shoot. One problem, though: how am I supposed to balance on the stairs? I left my crutches, Pinky and Bedazzle, at home. The banisters are too far apart for me to balance on."

Sookie held up one finger indicating Lorelai to wait a second. Sookie reappeared a few seconds later with a set of plain crutches. "Some guest left them here a while back. Apparently he miraculously healed on his stay."

Sookie, Rory, and Lane helped Lorelai out of the wagon and Lorelai humbled to the first small landing on the staircase.

Sookie poised the camera and said, "Smile pretty!" Lorelai grinned, thinking about all the coffee, pie, and "_Aw jeez"_ she was going to get out of her situation.

"Lorelai!"

Lorelai paused on the stairs and her smile turned into a slight scowl. Sookie immediately snapped the camera and captured Lorelai's slightly annoyed expression.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing?" Luke demanded, nearly slamming the large front door to the Inn shut and taking two steps at a time towards Lorelai. Luke had just come from Lorelai's house, surprised to not find the girls there. It was nearing dinnertime, and he was wondering why they hadn't called him yet to bring something over. He knew, for a fact, that Al's, Pete's, nor Teriyaki Joe's were called; he had called each establishment himself to tell them not to take orders from the Gilmore girls, that he would be the one. Bag in hand, after no one answered the door (though the television was still predictably on), Luke made his way around to the kitchen to find that it was locked. Scratching his cap with his free hand, Luke headed back to his truck.

"They're not home, sweetie!" Babette had called out, watering her flowers. Luke just looked at her. "They took Cinnamon's wagon and went on a little trip to the Inn. They should be back soon."

_Cinnamon's wagon? Who's Cinnamon?_

"The cat, doll. Cinnamon my cat," Babette had informed Luke, as she had noticed the confusion on his face. Babette chuckled. "You should have seen Lorelai in that wagon! Like she was going on parade!"

Luke's look of confusion then melted into one of near-fury. Babette noticed and turned around towards her gnomes. Luke had got in his truck and drove straight for the Independence Inn only to find Lorelai standing at an unsafe distance from solid ground (two feet).

"What do you mean what am I doing? I am getting a picture of my sad, sad leg and Hop-Along taken. I need some sort of proof that you are a sadist."

"You are supposed to be at home resting with your leg elevated. You are _not_ supposed to be…" Luke stumbled his words and gestured at her, "whatever it is you are doing."

Neither noticed that Lane, Rory, and Sookie were slowly backing away from the dual—but not so far away that they couldn't hear each word. Watching them argue was like driving by a car accident: a person could not help but stare.

"I happen to be…" Lorelai began, but was interrupted when Luke scooped her up in his arms and stormed out to his truck. _Have I mentioned how much I loved to be carried?_ Lorelai thought to herself. She smiled on the inside, knowing that if she smiled outwardly that she would be divulging too much emotion towards Luke, her coffee provider, her foe, her friend. So Lorelai played along with the anger. "Now what the Hell do you think you're doing?"


	6. A Shirt, No Shoes, Such Service!

**Chapter Six: A Shirt, No Shoes, Such Service!**

Luke, with Lorelai almost weightless in his arms, was already out the door and headed towards his large truck. "I'm taking you to the home."

"But I was going to have Sookie feed me."

Luke placed Lorelai inside the truck and rounded to the driver's side. He remained silent, not knowing whether to admonish Lorelai's tenacity or laugh.

"Are you taking me home? I have no food at home. Everything you brought over earlier has been eaten by starving children from Africa."

Luke looked up from the road and at her finally. "Fine! I'll take you to the diner!"

Lorelai smiled, "But I thought there was some sort of 'No shirt, no shoes, no service' policy?"

"Huh?"

"You see, though I have a shirt on, I do not have shoes. So would that entail me to receive half of the questionable service that I already get? And if that is so, should I only leave you half of a tip? And if I took my shirt off, would you consider that a tip?"

"Aw jeez, Lorelai!" Luke growled and Lorelai watched as his face change shades. _Why is she always giving me these visuals? It's not like I didn't see enough this morning!_

"Well anyhow, I don't have shoes on."

"You'll get service." _Why did I just leave myself open for…?_

"What kind of service? Satisfying service," Lorelai asked, batting her eyes at Luke.

"Do you want me to leave you here by the side of the road?"

Lorelai looked out her window, noticing that they were just about to pass the church. "Yes, please do leave me here. Perhaps a Good Samaritan will rescue me. That or I could play bingo on my cast with the old ladies in the basement tonight."

Luke let her have the last word. _As if I ever have a choice in the matter._ Luke parked his truck, opened Lorelai's door, lifted her, and proceeded into the diner. He was trying his hardest not to hold her too close, though that seemed to be problem since Lorelai's arms were wrapped tightly around his neck. Luke's effortless chivalry was being observed by Miss Patty, who was very appreciative for her timing and good seat inside the diner.

"Practicing carrying the bride over the threshold, Luke? My, my. Lorelai, you are a lucky girl," smiled Miss Patty.

"Aw jeez!" Luke mumbled.

Lorelai, still being held by Luke, said to him, "Now honey, what would people think if you didn't enjoy carrying your bride over the threshold. You had better watch it or I'm not going to share Victoria's Secret with you!"

Miss Patty and Lorelai shared a laugh as Luke dropped Lorelai into a chair.

Lorelai looked at Miss Patty, "He must be stressed about the wedding. The dress code doesn't include plaid."

"Lorelai!" warned Luke. She looked at him innocently. Luke pulled a chair out and gently elevated her right leg. _He does that so naturally. Taking care of me. So natural,_ Lorelai thought as she serenely watched him. He looked up and caught her gaze for a moment. _Another one of those moments, _each thought to themselves.

"Uh, I'm gonna go fix you something healthy to eat. It'll help your leg heal faster."

"Does healthy come with extra cheese and an extra side of chili fries?"

"Only in your world."

"But my world is such a lovely, lovely world. And even lovelier when I am given coffee and fed blueberry pie, with a side of coffee. Did I mention the coffee?"

Luke left Lorelai to her own voice and headed back to the kitchen.

"What about my coffee?" she yelled to him, though he was no where to be seen. After a moment, though it felt like hours to Lorelai, she decided that he had abandoned her for the world of hamburgers. All other patrons of the diner were eating and paying no attention to the fact that she was an abandoned, handicap woman direly in need of caffeine. Lorelai decided then that if she needed something done, she would do it herself.

Without hesitation or thought to the fact that she had no shoes on her feet with the purple nail-polish, Lorelai maneuvered her way up to standing. Miss Patty watched out of the corner of her eye, not willing to help Lorelai for the sake of her own entertainment once Luke discovered what Lorelai was doing. Lorelai's only focus was on the coffee pot sitting behind the counter. She hopped and hobbled her way over to the machine. She got a mug in her hand and began to pour herself some coffee.

"Lorelai!"

Lorelai, in a slight trance over the hypnotizing powers of her coffee, barely looked up at Luke as he stood in front of her with his hands on his hips, a dish rag in one hand. "Hmm?"

Luke shook his head. _I don't believe her! _"I don't believe you!"

Instead of replying, Lorelai took another long sip of her coffee, resting the majority of her body weight on the counter next to her. Finally she said, "You going to strangle me with that rag?" _What else could Luke do to me with that rag? Hmm_.

Luke took Lorelai's coffee out of her hands and set it on the counter before hoisting her up over his left shoulder. He took her back to her seat and, pointing his finger, said, "Don't move."

"But I need coffee!" she whined. Luke ignored her and headed back to the kitchen, but not before Kirk jumped in front of him.

"Luke, if I go behind the counter, will you give me a piggy-back?" Kirk asked in all seriousness. Luke just looked at him. "You see, my father never gave me piggy-back rides. He said his back would collapse like a tower of cards if he did. So, about that ride?"

"Kirk, if you don't get out of my way, you will be getting a ride on an ambulance."

"I don't think the ambulance is available tonight. Joe has too many pizza deliveries," Kirk informed Luke. Luke grabbed Kirk by the collar and led him out of the diner. Kirk pressed his face against the closed door of the diner, Kirk yelled, "That doesn't count as a piggy-back!"

"Aren't you Mr. Physical tonight, Lucas!" Miss Patty observed, eyebrows raised.

Luke gave her a pointed look before sharing it with Lorelai and heading back to the kitchen.

Lorelai raised her arms claiming innocence. "What?"

Luke returned shortly after with a thick turkey sandwich on whole-wheat bread, a bowl of fruit, and a large cup of milk. "Eat."

"I hope you're the one planning on eating this."

"You need calcium and vitamins if you want your leg to heal faster."

"There are loads of vitamins in blueberry pie. And there is plenty of calcium in a double cheese burger. Speaking of calcium, where is my coffee? I want it back." _And if you went back to the dark recesses of your kitchen, I could just get it myself. How many hops does it take to get to the coffee-goodness? Now I want a Tootsie-pop._

"Now you're going to watch me eat?" i _Does he not trust me? He has no reason not to trust me… Well, maybe a couple; that's not the point! How to make Lorelai Gilmore feel like a glutton: watch her eat. Luke should sell tickets. /i _"You made and gave me coffee willingly this morning at my house after my bath!"

Miss Patty's ears perked up at this, waiting for the next bit of information to determine her next wager in the town pool on the relationship between Luke and Lorelai.

Luke became slightly angered when noticed Miss Patty's increased interest. "I only made you coffee because if I hadn't, you would have made it yourself after I had left, so I was saving you some energy. And if I watch you, it will be impossible for you to get to the coffee and manipulate another patron, like Miss Patty, into trading meals." _Plus, I'll take any reason to sit with you._

"If I watch you, it will be impossible for you to get to the coffee and manipulate another patron, like Miss Patty, into trading meals." _Plus, I'll take any reason to sit with you._

"First you break my leg and now you starve me. What a great track record you have. Next thing I know, you'll want to bore me to death with talk of touchdowns and baseball."

"Eat."

Lorelai pouted and picked up the sandwich and took the tiniest bite.

_This is going to be a long evening,_ Luke thought.

"Oh Luke!" sang Miss Patty one table away, "if you get bored over there, you can always come over and watch me eat."

Luke put his capped-head in his hands with an, "Aw jeez". Lorelai laughed and began to enjoy her meal.


	7. HopAlong Meet Dremel, Vice Versa

Down with Smug Pretzel Chick Ch7

_Author's Note: I dedicate this chapter to my mom. She actually has taken off one cast with a Dremel… and another one with a butter knife. God bless the stubborn creative ones._

**Chapter Seven: Hop-Along Meet Dremel Saw, Dremel Meet Hop-Along**

Balancing her broken leg on the edge of the tub while perched on the toilet, Lorelai thought, _Bless Luke for letting me borrow this little saw-thingy. Too bad I had to have Kirk sneak it out of his toolbox in the storeroom when he was taking orders during the lunch rush._ Lorelai lightly chuckled as she recalled Kirk earlier today carrying to her the Dremel-saw under his outdated Member's Only jacket, clutching the saw like it was a pregnant belly. He said that would be his story in case anyone asked why his shirt was bulging. _Some malformed baby_.

"I'm sorry Hop-Along, but our ride is over," Lorelai told her plaster cast, hovering the Dremel over the edge near her thigh. It had been four weeks since her fall and, in addition to the incredible itching, she swore the hair on her unshaven leg was going to grow outwards and "be as unmanageable as an old British man's ear-hair". And since the pain had pretty much subsided (thus allowing Lorelai to share her multicolored "happy pills" with accident-prone Sookie), Lorelai felt her leg was done healing. Pressing the ON button, Lorelai let the spinning metal blade pierce the stickered cast. Fine dust flew everywhere to the squealing of the blade against plaster. Lorelai paused to tie a rhinestoned-bandana around her nose and mouth before she proceeded. She had cut an almost straight line down her leg about halfway when Rory opened the door.

Rory's blue eyes grew wide and Lorelai smiled innocently. "Hey babe. How was your afternoon at the lake with Lane?"

"Mom!" Rory's mind flashed with images of her mom making a wrong cut, slicing open an artery, and having to be rushed to the hospital.

"What?" Lorelai pretended that nothing was out of the ordinary.

"What are you doing?" Rory gestured at her mother's project.

"Oh, this? Well, I figured I'd save myself the co-pay and take the cast off myself."

Rory's brow furrowed. "But you have another few weeks to go until you go to the doctor. The doctor who should be the only one taking off your cast." Rory grabbed the Dremel out of Lorelai's hand. "And where did you get this? We do not own any sort of hardware."

"Yes we do," Lorelai countered, "Our platforms serve as not only shoes but as hammers."

"Where did you get this thing?"

"At the place where there are many things similar but not so similar that it would be too mundane."

Rory gave her a pointed look. _That look comes directly from Emily. Damn genetics._

"Luke," mumbled Lorelai.

Rory left the bathroom, Dremel in hand. Lorelai knew she wouldn't get the electric handsaw back so she looked around the bathroom to see if there was anything else that could help her dispose of Hop-Along. _Plunger, no likely. Toothbrush, only good for scratching… and to dispose of immediately after using. Bathtub, maybe I could soak it off. Butter knife? What's that doing in here? Oh well, that'll work perfectly._ Lorelai grabbed the knife off of the sink and tried to continue her venture.

Meanwhile, Rory had run out of the door to Luke's, Dremel in hand. It was at the post-dinner lull and Luke was counting receipts at the register. Kirk was sitting at the counter asking Luke if he thought the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie _Junior_ was based on a true story, and if so, did Luke know of any women who would not mind donating to him their eggs. Luke was ignoring Kirk, but looked up to the door when Rory jingled in.

"Does this belong to you?" Rory stated without a hello, holding up the small tool. Kirk's eyes widened as he recognized the tool he had stolen earlier for Lorelai and he excused himself from the diner, saying something about needing to leave because of morning sickness. Briefly on his way out he wondered if Lorelai would be willing to donate her eggs…

"Probably not, mine's in my toolbox. Why do you have a Dremel?" _I can only imagine what messes the Gilmores could cause with a tool. Whatever the catastrophe, I'll probably be the one fixing it._

"Mom decided it was time to free her leg, so she stole it from you. I just caught her taking half of her cast off with this thing."

"The Dremel?"

"Whatever it's called."

Nothing in Stars Hollow surprised Luke anymore. The fact that Lorelai had somehow stolen his Dremel and was taking off her own cast definitely only surprised him because it didn't surprise him. _Only Lorelai. How did she get the Dremel? Kirk. No wonder he left in such a panic._ "Where is she now?"

"I left her in the bathroom. She can't do much more harm. The only thing in there is a plunger," Rory told him.

Luke rounded the counter and headed out the door. "Let's go." Luke locked the door behind Rory and headed to his truck. Driving to the house, Rory still held the Dremel in her hands. As soon as Luke put the truck in park behind the recently unused Jeep, he jumped out, entered the house, and pounded upstairs. Before Rory even got out of the truck she could hear Luke laying into her mother from the open upstairs windows. She smiled to herself at the trouble Lorelai's tenacity had gotten her into. It was like an episode of _I Love Lucy_.

Luke found Lorelai still balancing her leg on the tub. She had a butter knife in hand and had cut a couple rough inches further down. Lorelai smiled sweetly at Luke.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Buttering up my leg?"

"As opposed to using the Dremel?" Luke asked, arms crossed over his broad chest.

"What's a Dremel? That little handsaw? I can't butter anything with that saw." Realization then hit Lorelai. "How'd you…? Rory's such a snitch! Hey, can I butter you up enough to help me remove Hop-Along?"

Luke shook his head and lifted her from the toilet. Lorelai squealed a little with surprise and quickly adjusted her arms around his neck as he carried her downstairs and to his truck. _Easier and faster to just grab her than let her meander and talk me out of taking her to get her cast fixed._

Babette stuck her blonde head out of her window when she saw Luke carrying Lorelai to his truck. She, like Rory, had heard the whole conversation through the open window. Babette was already buzzing for more details to share with Patty about the current situation Luke and Lorelai had found themselves in. "Hey Luke, you must be really toning up with carrying Lorelai all over!" _I wonder how much moola I oughta add to my wager. Patty just upped hers._

Lorelai yelled back happily, "You should feel his biceps! Talk about guns! He's got Winchesters!"

Luke almost tossed her in the cab Rory had just exited and slammed the door in response to Lorelai's comment to Babette. Rory sat on the porch watching the show, humming the theme to _I Love Lucy_.

"Now where are we going? To get you some nice ribbed tank tops to show off your muscles?" Lorelai asked as Luke drove, imagining what he would look like without the flannel and in a white sleeveless shirt.

"I'm taking you to your doctor so he can fix your cast."

"But I don't want it fixed. I want it off."

"Do you realize how stupid it was to try to take it off yourself? And with a powertool? A butter knife? You can barely cut through meatloaf and you're trying to cut off your cast? Your leg isn't even fully healed yet. Don't you remember what the doctor at the hospital said four weeks ago? That it's gonna be at least six weeks until you can be without it. At least six weeks. It was an order, not a suggestion. Especially not a suggestion. Four weeks? That was not part of any suggestion," ranted Luke as Lorelai sat next to him smiling. Listening to him rant was like sitting with a warm blanket wrapped around her during winter; a state of security.

**EARLIER THAT AFTERNOON**

_This cast seriously needs to come off one way or another… I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha. I bet Debra Harry never had to wear a huge cast during the summer, _Lorelai pondered as she glared at Hop-Along. All romantic notions of having a broken appendage had gone out the window. Sure, the idea of having to wear a cast used to be appealing: it was a source of attention. And Lorelai loved attention. But Lorelai was done being _broken_.

"Luke, what day is it?"

Luke glanced her way as he delivered two plates of food. "The same day I told you it was an hour ago."

Lorelai was seated in the diner, her leg elevated on a mismatched vinyl chair, reluctantly trying to gulp down a glass of milk as fast as she could without it giving her a brainfreeze. Luke would only give her a cup of coffee if she drank two full cups of milk. She tried to get him to add the milk into her coffee to make a "Compromise Latte" with just a dash more coffee than milk. But Luke threatened to take away all coffee privileges after she began how exactly he could make her a latte.

"I'm not a damned over-priced, over-commercialized coffee chain. And I'm not about to make a special drink just for you," he had told her. She scowled in silence and drank her milk. The next day, Lorelai claimed that she was a vegan and that drinking milk would go against her convictions. Luke then gave her a veggie burger and Lorelai recalled her beliefs in exchange for a French Dip.

It had been about two months since the incidence in the yoga class and, on the days she wasn't working, Lorelai had taken up refuge at Luke's. In between hanging out at the lake, Rory was taking summer school classes and Lorelai needed some "entertainment" while her daughter was busy enhancing her education.

Currently sitting at the table next to Lorelai was another fixture at Luke's: Kirk. "Kirk!" Lorelai whispered when Luke disappeared into the storeroom.

Kirk stopped playing with his Dino-nuggets and curly fries.

"Help me get this cast off."

"Luke told me under no uncertain terms that if you ever asked me to help you such a thing that he would make me unrecognizable to my mother," Kirk informed her. "As much as I would like to assist you, I could not do that to my Mother. She has bad vision enough as it is."

Lorelai brainstormed a moment. "What if you didn't _physically_ help me?"

"I guess that would be all right."

"Sneak upstairs and grab that little electric handsaw thingy from Luke's tool box. Hide it under your jacket and drop it off at my house behind the potted plant next to the front door."

"I don't know," Kirk said, thinking of the many different ways Luke would hurt him if he found him helping Lorelai in anyway, much less sneaking into his apartment.

"If you do it now, you won't get caught. Plus, you're not helping me. You're just getting me a tool that could help me with projects around my house," Lorelai justified.

"Well, since you put it that way. And if I get caught, I could always say that I'm not holding anything under my jacket, that I'm just pregnant," Kirk said as he looked around the diner suspiciously before awkwardly tiptoeing behind the curtain separating the diner from Luke's apartment. Lorelai laughed at Kirk's suggestion of pregnancy.

Within moments, Kirk returned, holding his zipped blue jacket at his waist. He was just about to Lorelai's table when Luke came out from the storeroom.

"Kirk, you'd better not be getting her any coffee!" Luke warned.

"No, um, well, I gotta get going. My morning sickness is calling," Kirk nearly moaned and he hustled out of the diner. Luke looked confusedly at Lorelai who only chuckled.

"That's Kirk for ya," Lorelai told him calmly, though excited to get home and proceed with Operation Hop-Along Meet Dremel.

**AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE**

"Dammit Luke, I don't want to be here."

"Well, you wouldn't be if you had listened to the doctor."

"It's your fault I'm here in the first place," Lorelai informed him.

"Not this again!"

But before Lorelai could respond, she heard her name called. _So much for freeing my leg. Now I'm going to have to hear another lecture. If only Luke would mind his damn business and let me use his saw without any questions._ Luke helped her up out of her seat and guided her on the small of her back while she teetered on her crutches. It was then in disbelief that she saw who the nurse was who was calling her name. With a clipboard a tight-fitting scrubs was Smug Pretzel Chick. She lightly punched Luke on the arm as she told him who the nurse was.

"Smug what?"

She did not recognize Lorelai from the yoga class and was annoyed that it was taking Lorelai so long to hobble over. Smug Pretzel Chick tapped her French-manicured nails on the clipboard. It wasn't until Smug Pretzel Chick noticed Lorelai's companion that she stopped the rhythmic tapping was smiled, though not at Lorelai.


End file.
